I have to learn to live with the fact that there would be other challenges that are not foreseen and one should always be prepared to face them with equal cheer.
This is something that I should keep telling myself from now onwards.
On a side note, I have prepared the schedule for my GMAT preparations and should stick to it.
I should finish all the books as part of my phase 1 preparations by 21st June.
Then throroughly finish 1000 CR, 1000 SC and re-do all the CR and SC stuff that I have as part of my phase 2 preparations by July 5th.
I should then move on to the phase 3 preps where the focus would be on Tests and analysis of the test results, perfecting the DS and the PS material, and of course practising RC and AWA stuff. This phase might need a week's break from my daily routine, if need be.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Friday, December 07, 2007
It all ended
Wasn't I waiting for this moment from long. It finally has arrived. Perhaps, this is how India felt when it became Independent. And I want to live every second of this moment. This was what I eagerly waited for and looked forward to all these days. This is the moment that fuelled me all these days. It provided me all the energy and focus all these days.
The shocker, the nightmare, the unpleasant of all feelings when blended together may not weigh against this. It is now going to be a cremation of the past.
Endured it all for about month and a half. What a sigh of relief it is !!! Nothing so far has forced me stretch to the max, squeezing everything out of me the way this did. To top it all, all this happened out of pure unwillingness.
Intrusion into one's personal space is the worst and the last thing that one would ever least want to experience. And living with it for such a long time is unimaginable.
Literal madness, tear-filled eyes, sheer unwillingness, extreme repulsion from the office environment, fear of work, desperate-wait to go home, frequent phone calls for diversion, longest work hours, sacrificed week ends, foregone food
the project that I was part of made a mess out of my life.
It was a feeling of being jailed and a feeling of slavery.
The mind went all blank for a while. It was indeed a shocker.
Being constantly at it to finish off the work, amid an environment like this is what I had to coerce my mind to do all these days.
The mind was never willing.
I had to never let the project that I had all my love for down amidst all these.
At the same time, I had to manage the other work. I was sandwiched between both these but finally tided over it all somehow and saw to it that the RAR project did not suffer a setback for any reason.
I want to embark on a new journey as this all ends putting all behind.
Thanking almighty that I finally saw it through.
Wasn't I waiting for this moment from long. It finally has arrived. Perhaps, this is how India felt when it became Independent. And I want to live every second of this moment. This was what I eagerly waited for and looked forward to all these days. This is the moment that fuelled me all these days. It provided me all the energy and focus all these days.
The shocker, the nightmare, the unpleasant of all feelings when blended together may not weigh against this. It is now going to be a cremation of the past.
Endured it all for about month and a half. What a sigh of relief it is !!! Nothing so far has forced me stretch to the max, squeezing everything out of me the way this did. To top it all, all this happened out of pure unwillingness.
Intrusion into one's personal space is the worst and the last thing that one would ever least want to experience. And living with it for such a long time is unimaginable.
Literal madness, tear-filled eyes, sheer unwillingness, extreme repulsion from the office environment, fear of work, desperate-wait to go home, frequent phone calls for diversion, longest work hours, sacrificed week ends, foregone food
the project that I was part of made a mess out of my life.
It was a feeling of being jailed and a feeling of slavery.
The mind went all blank for a while. It was indeed a shocker.
Being constantly at it to finish off the work, amid an environment like this is what I had to coerce my mind to do all these days.
The mind was never willing.
I had to never let the project that I had all my love for down amidst all these.
At the same time, I had to manage the other work. I was sandwiched between both these but finally tided over it all somehow and saw to it that the RAR project did not suffer a setback for any reason.
I want to embark on a new journey as this all ends putting all behind.
Thanking almighty that I finally saw it through.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Enduring it at the moment
Yes, as the label clearly suggests, I'm enduring it at the moment only hoping to see light at the end of the tunnel. And guess what the time is at the moment? 2 am and am still unable to sleep at all. Was awake till 12:45 before deciding to sleep, but something is just stopping me from sleeping. Obviously the feeling has started playing on me very strongly, of late. The feeling that it's high time I awoke and started focussing on my career, the burning desire to succeed and intense feeling to pursue my dream MBA. This is not letting me sleep at all.
I am just eagerly looking forward to that day when I would be released from the current project.
That would mean so much to me in terms of freedom at work and an opportunity to grow the way I want.
Amidst all this, the appraisal factor has also started affecting me a little.
After all the hard work to make the application take off strongly, not even getting an opportunity to hear good things about myself wrt the application is very painful.
Ironically, to make things seem even more stupid, the appraisal would be handled by a person who doesn't neither know the gravity of the issues addressed nor has seen me the things that I worked on. Most importantly, he doesn't know the kind of important contributions I have made to the application. It really feels bad to know something of this sort.
The certification yet to be completed and the task of 2 documents to be submitted to KShop have been worrying me too.
And things have not been progressing an inch on all these fronts due to the unpleasant feeling that has set in due to the new project.
I have to address and close al these issues soon to elbow myself into the future that beckoi
Yes, as the label clearly suggests, I'm enduring it at the moment only hoping to see light at the end of the tunnel. And guess what the time is at the moment? 2 am and am still unable to sleep at all. Was awake till 12:45 before deciding to sleep, but something is just stopping me from sleeping. Obviously the feeling has started playing on me very strongly, of late. The feeling that it's high time I awoke and started focussing on my career, the burning desire to succeed and intense feeling to pursue my dream MBA. This is not letting me sleep at all.
I am just eagerly looking forward to that day when I would be released from the current project.
That would mean so much to me in terms of freedom at work and an opportunity to grow the way I want.
Amidst all this, the appraisal factor has also started affecting me a little.
After all the hard work to make the application take off strongly, not even getting an opportunity to hear good things about myself wrt the application is very painful.
Ironically, to make things seem even more stupid, the appraisal would be handled by a person who doesn't neither know the gravity of the issues addressed nor has seen me the things that I worked on. Most importantly, he doesn't know the kind of important contributions I have made to the application. It really feels bad to know something of this sort.
The certification yet to be completed and the task of 2 documents to be submitted to KShop have been worrying me too.
And things have not been progressing an inch on all these fronts due to the unpleasant feeling that has set in due to the new project.
I have to address and close al these issues soon to elbow myself into the future that beckoi
Friday, November 09, 2007
Yesterday was Diwali and I was not at home celebrating it.
Reason : Project related work worrying me and my future staring into my face.
Mental Agony is what is making me blog and the time now is 3 AM in the morning. wasn't able to sleep until about 3 even yesterday. What is this life ?
How long will the same thing continue..
I ve just been punishing myself like this for a long long time now.
The problem is when I think of attaining something in life, I become over-obsessed with it and it usually take its toll on me.
The reason once again in this case is pertinent to my closest thing to my heart, as it has always been, MBA. I am literally passionate about it. Very much.
I have had a see-saw of emotions as I have passed thro' many phases to reach where I am now and still staring down the barrel still unsure and uncertain about how I go to my destination.
A very recent decision of mine is proving out to be digging my own grave gradually as the change in project that I asked for many times is becoming a nightmare day after day and I have started hating it very much.
Is it because I am over-ambitious that I am facing all these issues. Sometimes I ask for too much from myself without knowing the feasibility of the same.
Had i drawn a line before by thinking about the whole scenario, could i have avoided this?
Perhaps, yes.... but it is easier said than done.
The problem is that I asked for a project change to prove myself as a leader thro' some kind of team accomplishments in my new project.
But, it seems like it has boomeranged on me for various reasons.
1. The technical deficiency wrt the new project as compared to my old internal project has started doing me in gradually. I am feeling really down and disappointed in my new project.
Considering this, how can I quickly establish myself and keep pushing and motivating myself to keep performing.
The zeal for the same is gradualy disappearing as the focus has slowly taken a different track which is my higher studies now.
2. The client project is a different ball game altogether and I am definitely going to take quite some time to get used to that rigour and I have just disturbed myself from a fully stable position to a very volatile and unstable one which I am at the moment.
Who should I blame for this ? :(
3. To add fuel to fire, the atmosphere at my new project is not all that welcome. :(
Is it because I am not an extrovert ? Partly, yes.
But, there is more to it than this. The new project team and the account people do n't have an embracing attitude to make inway for a new comer.
The Manager especially is one I am hating the most. He doesn't take me into confidence and that puts me off at the very first intant.
His attitude as a leader is very very poor.
There is a huge communication gap between him and the team.
He does n't clarify things clearly when approached to ask about anything and gets involved in his work.
He doesn't make the team members feel important.
He underminds me in meetings, mails, listening to pleas and other things turning to me lastly, to say/ listen-to anything.
He doesn't communicate everything to me. :(
"THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM " were the words used when told the reason for falling behind schedule.
I really fear aproaching him for anything as he has a pre-conceived notion about me that I am a liability and not an asset to the project. :(
He expects too much of us and me and it being a new kind of work, is becoming really tough to match his expectations.
I had come to the new project to carve a niche for myself in the new one like I have in the old one with a fresh start and win the confidence of my new manager and script atleast a little success story at my new project that I can take home as a value-add and eventually proving a point for my role change, that is quite critical for my career aspiration to be fulfilled
To add to it,
I don't feel important at my new project.
I don't feel I am contributing something concrete that gives me a sense of satisfaction.
I am forced to learn all new things that I am totally against at this juncture in my career.
I am not getting to lead even in a little way but instead finding it tough myself to survive here.
I am not geting personal time to think and plan about myself.
I am not able to focus even a little on my favorite thing Toastmasters and all. :((
With everything going against me this way,.......... ( I realy need not fill this in :( :( :(.......... )
It's 4 now.
Wrapping it up admonishing myself that it is imperative I addressed these issues at the earliest.
Backing myself, I am off to sleep now.
Reason : Project related work worrying me and my future staring into my face.
Mental Agony is what is making me blog and the time now is 3 AM in the morning. wasn't able to sleep until about 3 even yesterday. What is this life ?
How long will the same thing continue..
I ve just been punishing myself like this for a long long time now.
The problem is when I think of attaining something in life, I become over-obsessed with it and it usually take its toll on me.
The reason once again in this case is pertinent to my closest thing to my heart, as it has always been, MBA. I am literally passionate about it. Very much.
I have had a see-saw of emotions as I have passed thro' many phases to reach where I am now and still staring down the barrel still unsure and uncertain about how I go to my destination.
A very recent decision of mine is proving out to be digging my own grave gradually as the change in project that I asked for many times is becoming a nightmare day after day and I have started hating it very much.
Is it because I am over-ambitious that I am facing all these issues. Sometimes I ask for too much from myself without knowing the feasibility of the same.
Had i drawn a line before by thinking about the whole scenario, could i have avoided this?
Perhaps, yes.... but it is easier said than done.
The problem is that I asked for a project change to prove myself as a leader thro' some kind of team accomplishments in my new project.
But, it seems like it has boomeranged on me for various reasons.
1. The technical deficiency wrt the new project as compared to my old internal project has started doing me in gradually. I am feeling really down and disappointed in my new project.
Considering this, how can I quickly establish myself and keep pushing and motivating myself to keep performing.
The zeal for the same is gradualy disappearing as the focus has slowly taken a different track which is my higher studies now.
2. The client project is a different ball game altogether and I am definitely going to take quite some time to get used to that rigour and I have just disturbed myself from a fully stable position to a very volatile and unstable one which I am at the moment.
Who should I blame for this ? :(
3. To add fuel to fire, the atmosphere at my new project is not all that welcome. :(
Is it because I am not an extrovert ? Partly, yes.
But, there is more to it than this. The new project team and the account people do n't have an embracing attitude to make inway for a new comer.
The Manager especially is one I am hating the most. He doesn't take me into confidence and that puts me off at the very first intant.
His attitude as a leader is very very poor.
There is a huge communication gap between him and the team.
He does n't clarify things clearly when approached to ask about anything and gets involved in his work.
He doesn't make the team members feel important.
He underminds me in meetings, mails, listening to pleas and other things turning to me lastly, to say/ listen-to anything.
He doesn't communicate everything to me. :(
"THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM " were the words used when told the reason for falling behind schedule.
I really fear aproaching him for anything as he has a pre-conceived notion about me that I am a liability and not an asset to the project. :(
He expects too much of us and me and it being a new kind of work, is becoming really tough to match his expectations.
I had come to the new project to carve a niche for myself in the new one like I have in the old one with a fresh start and win the confidence of my new manager and script atleast a little success story at my new project that I can take home as a value-add and eventually proving a point for my role change, that is quite critical for my career aspiration to be fulfilled
To add to it,
I don't feel important at my new project.
I don't feel I am contributing something concrete that gives me a sense of satisfaction.
I am forced to learn all new things that I am totally against at this juncture in my career.
I am not getting to lead even in a little way but instead finding it tough myself to survive here.
I am not geting personal time to think and plan about myself.
I am not able to focus even a little on my favorite thing Toastmasters and all. :((
With everything going against me this way,.......... ( I realy need not fill this in :( :( :(.......... )
It's 4 now.
Wrapping it up admonishing myself that it is imperative I addressed these issues at the earliest.
Backing myself, I am off to sleep now.
Monday, October 01, 2007
As I chalk out a very decent plan, there are a few things that immediately come to my mind
1. Organising myself and my thought.
2 . Taking care of the little complacency that I get even when I achieve little things.
3. Learning to do work at a brisk pace.
4. Hitting the road of CTM sooner than later.
5. Improvising ways to comunicate better in English by the day.
6. Learning, internalising and leveraging the beauty of Yoga.
7. Extensive reading to think, speak and be better.
8. Beefing up the technical knowledge and insights.
9. Channelising my immense energy and potential as lot of that of mine goes untapped.
These are few bullet points that I need to turn my immediate attention to
That's all blogging for now, time for some action :)
1. Organising myself and my thought.
2 . Taking care of the little complacency that I get even when I achieve little things.
3. Learning to do work at a brisk pace.
4. Hitting the road of CTM sooner than later.
5. Improvising ways to comunicate better in English by the day.
6. Learning, internalising and leveraging the beauty of Yoga.
7. Extensive reading to think, speak and be better.
8. Beefing up the technical knowledge and insights.
9. Channelising my immense energy and potential as lot of that of mine goes untapped.
These are few bullet points that I need to turn my immediate attention to
That's all blogging for now, time for some action :)
The time has come to put my hands up and make every tick counted. After careful analysis of what's available on the web, I seem quite confident about my the candidature that I can build for an MBA.
Right now the things I should focus on as I plunge ahead into the future are
On the resume boosting front---
A. Strong extra-curriculars
1. Building a strong foundation at toastmasters by contributing immensely to it as a member, officebearer within and outside the clubs as well through educative sessions and the like.
This is one such big opportunity that I can focus highly on and make counted in a big big way.
Target President / VP - Ed by the next time.
2. Technical blog, articles and discussion forums ---> Microsoft MVP
Strong community service
1. Do something innovative to carry on the good work at sneham and contribute to the happenings at sneham, and involve in its activities much more and make it a successful happening.
Telling myself - Remember, the success of me is largely dependent of how successfully I contribute to the proceedings of Sneham.
2. Teaching the underprivileged and the needy.
Quality Work-experience
1. As a Team-lead, should carve a niche by doing something really solid.
( still to be thought-of even more clearly though) ( KM-Prime / Prima award / Best - project award )
2. Things I can boast of and almost done in this section are
a. Most Vaulable player award
b. Power programmer award
c. Best trainee award with 5.0 CGPA.
d. Most Spirited team award
e. Highest KCU award ( if things turn out as expected )
Hobbies.
1. Reading books
2. Yoga and skating.
On building a strong case and further adding innovative ways in refining and executing resume builiding aspects
1. Should re-search all possible sources on
a. Why MBA ? Why now ? and why X b-school
b. Contributions to the B-school.
b. All other possible MBA related questions related to leadership, failures, accomplishments and team-work.
( taken a right step in this direction by ordering for the book in Amazon, need to do a lot of brainstorming in this regard to arrive at a perfect path and picture )
A solid GMAT and TOEFL.
If I get these aspects right as planned, there is no reason why I can't make it to one among the holy trinity.
This broadly covers in an exhaustive way what I was deliberating from a very long time to give a proper shape to my plan for hitting the MBA. I am really happy that I could finally give a very decent shape to that now. :)
Believe me, finally I have something to cheer about and I only hope this blog will turn things all for the better for me unlike the insipid life that it has been so far.
Right now the things I should focus on as I plunge ahead into the future are
On the resume boosting front---
A. Strong extra-curriculars
1. Building a strong foundation at toastmasters by contributing immensely to it as a member, officebearer within and outside the clubs as well through educative sessions and the like.
This is one such big opportunity that I can focus highly on and make counted in a big big way.
Target President / VP - Ed by the next time.
2. Technical blog, articles and discussion forums ---> Microsoft MVP
Strong community service
1. Do something innovative to carry on the good work at sneham and contribute to the happenings at sneham, and involve in its activities much more and make it a successful happening.
Telling myself - Remember, the success of me is largely dependent of how successfully I contribute to the proceedings of Sneham.
2. Teaching the underprivileged and the needy.
Quality Work-experience
1. As a Team-lead, should carve a niche by doing something really solid.
( still to be thought-of even more clearly though) ( KM-Prime / Prima award / Best - project award )
2. Things I can boast of and almost done in this section are
a. Most Vaulable player award
b. Power programmer award
c. Best trainee award with 5.0 CGPA.
d. Most Spirited team award
e. Highest KCU award ( if things turn out as expected )
Hobbies.
1. Reading books
2. Yoga and skating.
On building a strong case and further adding innovative ways in refining and executing resume builiding aspects
1. Should re-search all possible sources on
a. Why MBA ? Why now ? and why X b-school
b. Contributions to the B-school.
b. All other possible MBA related questions related to leadership, failures, accomplishments and team-work.
( taken a right step in this direction by ordering for the book in Amazon, need to do a lot of brainstorming in this regard to arrive at a perfect path and picture )
A solid GMAT and TOEFL.
If I get these aspects right as planned, there is no reason why I can't make it to one among the holy trinity.
This broadly covers in an exhaustive way what I was deliberating from a very long time to give a proper shape to my plan for hitting the MBA. I am really happy that I could finally give a very decent shape to that now. :)
Believe me, finally I have something to cheer about and I only hope this blog will turn things all for the better for me unlike the insipid life that it has been so far.
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